So, I’ve come to realize that procrastination (in the case of assignments ESPECIALLY) is like pregnancy.
1. It has a gestation period, after which it has to be pushed out. The due date and time are mostly the submission day, a few hours to the submission deadline.
2. It gives you mood swings and cravings. Any time the assignment is mentioned, your mood becomes tumultuous, murderous even! But everything else OTHER than the assignment puts you in a good- if not utterly exhilarating- mood.
You crave to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING OTHER than the assignment. That’s the time you realize how dirty/untidy your abode is, yet all other times you hate cleaning. All of a sudden you develop (seasonal) OCD. This is also the season you notice how there’s hidden art in the paint on your wall, and how imaginary friends do in fact exist.
3. You know how babies kick as they grow bigger in the womb? That’s exactly how that assignment keeps kicking your conscience the closer the “due date” gets, and you’re there watching a movie/sleeping/chilling/being lazy… Generally doing everything BUT the assignment.
4. Gives you insomnia and sleeping difficulty towards the “due date”.
5. The closer to the “due date”, the more tired and restless you get. If anything, you start experiencing Braxton Hicks in the form of panic attacks, chills cascading down your spine, heat and sweat flushes, and palpitations because well, the due date is nigh, and you are so heavily pregnant with assignment procrastination, it is just ready to come out of you! Let’s not even get into the dangerously high blood pressure that jumps into the bandwagon for the ride.
6. You go through ACTUAL LABOUR when “delivering” the assignment.
This is mostly because you actually started working on the assignment 10 hours before it was due. It is thus an excruciating process to go through the myriads of articles/ pieces of relevant literature and cook up a report that will give you enough marks to justify:
a) why you are worthy of being in grad school in the first place
b) the millions you’re spending on tuition fees instead of investing in land or a small business or something back at home.
7. After “delivery”, you just want to eat and sleep (in no particular order) FIRST before taking time to appreciate/feel proud/be mesmerized by the “fruit of your loins”.
Seriously though, y’all have no idea how many “procrastination babies” I’ve borne over the past couple of years. And it is not only with regard to school work, sometimes it stretches out its tentacles to all other spheres of life. It is a monster that needs to be slayed. or is it slewn? slewed? slew? slay? slain? (I’ll check the correct word later). But, you catch the drift, no?
On that note, I do believe the time is ripe for a procrastinator support group was founded. I would join ASAP. I mean ASAT. As Soon As Tomorrow.